This so describes me totally. When I’m at home, I don’t need that face, for there is no one to look at me, except for my cat Mittens. All those feelings that are roiling around inside of me are there for no one to see.
When it is time to go out, I take the face out of the jar, and wear that one over my real one. No one then can see the pain, anger, sadness, sometimes rage, and fear, that I feel but are not visible.
What if someone saw the real face? Would they go running, scared? I think I would. When it’s in the jar, I only look in the mirror to brush my hair. I don’t even want me to see that face.
It would make me very, very sad, but then, I’m already sad.
~ van ~
Through The Clouds 
Wow…that is so true! I am the same exact way. The person I am when I am home is not the person people see when I have to come out. I paint on a happy face, and try to act like everything is ok.
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And everything is not always ok. I scheduled a therapy and psych appointment for today at 2:30 and 3:00. I got a call yesterday afternoon. They were wondering why I wasn’t there. I had it in my calendar for today, and now I can’t get back in until Oct. 12th!!
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