- I started school at age 4, due to my birthday being in October. This was a total change for me – to be away from my mother for such a long time.
I don’t know when my behavior took a turn, but I do know it was early on in school. I had teachers that were kind to me for the most part, and I wanted all of that I could get.
Starting long ago, longer than I can remember, my life was filled with chaos (abuse). I never knew which way to turn, there was no safe place, especially when I was younger.
I felt used and unloved, though at the time, I probably couldn’t put those words to what I was feeling. Mostly, I just knew that I was scared.
Unfortunately, this resulted in the beginnings of negative behavior – seeking more attention from the teachers. I didn’t know any other way to get more of that accepted feeling that I had when I started school and no one knew me. There were 30-some of us in that class, so the teacher’s attention was spread pretty thin.
When I wasn’t acting out, by starting fights, or throwing things, or shooting staples around the room, I was taking it out on myself in the form of self-harm. Both of these types of behaviors carried on through the years, right into high school. It was there when things took another turn.