Why Do I Love An Abuser?

This is a question I keep asking myself:

I was abused by both of my parents as a child.  Physical and emotional abuse thrown at me by mother, and sexual abuse from my father.

My mother passed away from cancer, almost 6 months ago.  Whenever I think of her I get this aching hole in the middle of my chest.  I miss her.  She was a mean woman.  Why do I love her?  How can I possibly miss her?

My dad passed in 2004, He sexually abused me for years, and I cried my eyes out at his funeral.

Not so with my mother.  I just sat there, motionless, wondering who all came to the graveside service.  Her sister, who is 13 years older sat next to me.  She was crying.  Yet, I miss my mom.