The Queendom

Taboo Word  9/14/16

Once upon a time, there was an evil prince, and he found himself a princess.  Neither of them knew the other was sick, or just how sick they were.  They were together a year before they had a child.  The child was a girl, a princess, and now the woman was a queen.  She was a queen_mary_of_romania_3wicked queen.  They had another child.  The child was a boy, a prince, and now the man was a king.  He was wrong.  He thought he was still the king but the queen was a wicked, evil, queen and she ruled over the kingdom, and she ruled over the king as well.

So the queen and the king had another child.  The child was a boy, another prince, and the queen continued to rule of what was now the queendom.  The two princes both wanted to become the king some day, and they battled with each other, each attempting to be the better prince.  The queen continued ruling over the queendom, and the princess seemed to be pushed aside, forgotten.

So the king decided that his only resource was the princess.  He would take the princess around the queendom, showing her all the wonders that existed within the land.  There were trees and lakes, hills and valleys, and all that the princess saw overwhelmed her. 

But one cold night, the king crept into the bed of the princess, and he held her, touched her, told her how beautiful she was.  In the queendom, the princess was not well liked.  The two princes would fight with her all the times, and the other children in the land would pick fights with her as well.  This made the princess feel bad, and sometimes she would even cry.  She would cry at night when no one could hear her.  The king thought he was at least powerful to the princess, if not the queen, and that made him happy.

The king went to the princess many, many nights, and the princess became scared, especially at night.  The king started to hurt the child, because his sickness caused him to prey upon the little girls.  Having the princess right there in the palace made his visits very satisfying to him.  When he would leave her, the princess would become very angry any time the king came near her, and he did every time that every chance he got when the queen wasn’t around.

The queen was very evil and she treated the princess and the princes very badly.  She gave them very little to eat, and kept all the good things for herself.  She was angry with them and would treat them very roughly.

One by one, the souls of the princess and the princes became very dark.  They had learned from the queen and her lessons were very well absorbed by each of them.  None of them wanted to continue, and all wanted to flee the palace.  But there was nowhere to flee to.  One by one, as soon as they were old enough to make this a go on their own, they left the palace for good.

The king died from loneliness, and the queen ran off with another king.  The children of the king and queen, unfortunately became as evil as the queen, and took their anger out on every one in the kingdom, until one night, and group of princes crept upon them very quietly, and ended the misery they were causing, and the misery that lived within each of them.  Then once again there was a prince, and he waited, and waited to find a princess….



You can see today’s taboo word below. Visit Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog and creator of the challenge, for details on participating.


Click the blue frog to read others taking part in this fun challenge 


PTSD, oh how hard it can be.
See things over and over again,
Some things, not remembering them,
Some things I’ll never do again.

PTSD, makes me scared of life,
Growing up, filled with strife,
Used to get the great big knife,
But something keeps me clinging to life.

I see things over and over again,
They hide deep inside my head,
I won’t do this, I won’t do that,
But other things, keep doing this or that.

Programmed deep within my soul,
What will it take to make me whole?
Memories keep rushing to the top,
I don’t know how to make it stop.

~ van ~

How Well Do You Know Me?

Do You Really Know Me?

Child Within

I have done several challenges, but I’m not so sure about surveys.  Maybe I’ll even get to know me a little better.

1 – Boxer shorts or budgy smugglers? I don’t know what budgy smugglers are, and I don’t wear boxers, so I guess I would have to answer with neither.

2 – What color of underwear are you currently wearing? Pink.   They match the shirt and socks;

3 – How long have you been wearing them for? About 3 1/2 hours

4 – Do you ever use binoculars to watch people?  The only pair of binoculars I own can’t see through walls, and I don’t usually take them with me when I go outside, so no.

5 – Have you ever kicked someone in the groin?  You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this, but I’d just lose my balance and fall down.

6 – Would you pull a trigger?  Would and have (I was in the military).

7 – If you met your favorite celebrity, and they wanted to make out with you, would you? No, because I know it would lead nowhere, and I want to go somewhere.

8 – Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and one-night-stands)? Yes. He wanted sex, but I didn’t. He ended up staying for the night though.

9 – Have you had one-night-stands?  No.

10 – Does sex have the same importance to you now compared to when you were younger? Due to aging and medical issues, I would have to say no.

11 – Have you ever eaten a worm?  They look like fat mini-snakes, and snakes is what I hate the most. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

12 – What’s the grossest thing you’ve eaten?  Raw squid.

13 – How long do you spend sitting on the toilet?  As long as it takes.

14 – What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)? Play Sudoku on my tablet.

15 – Have you ever been peed at?  Why would someone even do that? No.

16 – What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed?  That goes back to the squid.

17 – What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home?  The bathroom. No matter how hard we try, neither my aides or I can ever keep up with the cat litter. You can sweep the entire floor thoroughly, and when you have finished, there is still litter on the floor.

18 – Why don’t you clean it?  It’s hard for me to do that from my wheelchair.

19 – Do you eat your boogers?  That is absolutely gross. No.

20 – Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag?  Vomit

21 – Have you ever had head lice?  No

22 – Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone?  Absolutely. It was someone I trust completely, and yet they let me down.

23 – Have you ever been scared of someone?  This one is easy. I was afraid of my mother for the first 53 years of my life.

24 – What do you do when you’re drunk that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about?  I no longer drink, and I can’t remember much of what I did when I used to get drunk.  That’s probably why I quit drinking.

25 – Have you tried pole dancing?  The only pole I get close to is the one in my bedroom I use to transfer back and forth from my chair to my bed.

26 – Have you been in a strip club? I’ve never even seen one from the outside No.

27 – Have you ever run over an animal?  Back home I would run over the occasional woodchuck.

28 – Have you ever peed in snow? I would freeze my you know what off if I tried to do that. No.

29 – Have you ever made fun of someone and then regretted it? Way too many times.

30 – What’s your favorite kind of question on Cards for Humanity (if you know the game)? Do not know this game.

31 – If the father of your best friend hit on you, what would you say to him? Get lost mf.

32 – Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age? Not half my age, but I did end up in a relationship with someone who was two years older than my mother.

33 – Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth? I rinse it out.

34 – Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink?  Never. I have such a bad case of dry mouth from all the meds I take, I would have to build up enough to even be able to spit.

35 – Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards? More times than I care to remember.

36 – What is your number one goal in life, and are you living it? When I learned I had MS, I started setting goals. The number one goal is to never give up.  I’m still here so I guess I haven’t given up.

38 – Have you ever danced and/or cried in the rain? I don’t like being out in the rain. No.

39 – Have you ever ditched work to just chill out on your own (with or without Netflix)? When I was a whole lot younger than I am now.

40 – What do you wish you were doing right now (anything goes)? Shopping. I love just going out to find something to buy.  But it’s raining outside, and I would have to wait in the rain, in my power wheelchair to catch a bus.

This was a lot more fun than I expected it to be. There was no nomination list, so I nominate you all to take this survey, so we can all learn how bad each of us are.

Happy thinking…

~ van ~

I’m Sorry. I Forgot…

WP_20160513_001Mother’s Day has come and gone,
And I forgot to call,
I meant to do it along,
And I forgot it all.

I never told you just how much,
I loved you, my dear aunt,
And now you’re gone, out of touch,
I want to tell you, now I can’t.

You’ve gone to be with God now,
I’ll see you, as soon I can,
Then I will tell, I know somehow,
I’ll see you once again.

Goodbye, I love you,
I’m sorry I forgot,
I’ll send these flowers up to you,
I’m sorry, I forgot.

~ van ~

Almost Made It

The end of the year,
Is almost here.
But I do dread,
What lies ahead.
The date January 3,
Will always remind me,
The age she’d have been,
But will never again.
See that date that means so much,
Almost close enough to touch,
I need to get her out of my mind,
For to me, she was not kind.
Why do I feel so much now that she’s gone,
When no one knew all that she’d done,
To make my life a living hell,
That made me today, not quite well.

It Is Almost Over

Christmas came, but there were no presents, not even a phone call or two. I guess they were too busy to call me and wish me a merry Christmas. Tonight, my mind went racing back to a period of time in my life, when I had no one but a bottle of vodka.
Vodka became my companion, my friend, my family, my lover. I couldn’t exist without my vodka. I tried on more than one occasion to switch to beer, but then I just had more and more beers.
It took many years, to kick away that lover, and discover that I did have other people in my life, including my family. My family is reduced down to two siblings and their spouses, and approximately 13 cousins, second and third cousins.
Today, my father is gone, my mother is gone, and I am alone, with a sad little tree lit up in the corner of my living room.
I can hear what is really talking here . . . depression. It has come rushing back to be my constant companion now, and I am embracing it with open arms. Christmas is almost over, and the pain with decrease gradually, for the most part…

Dear Mom

To my mom,
Karen at age 4
Dear Mom,
I know that I’m a few days late, and Mother’s Day has come and gone. But the day did bring you to mind. I feel obligated to wish you a happy mother’s day and so I am writing this letter. You left us almost a year and a half ago, and it felt bad, but not for long. The only time I cried, was the last time I saw you, lying there in that hospital bed.
Do I miss you? Mostly no, but there are moments when I still think, “I want to tell Mom about . . . oh, I can’t. But during my 50+ years on this earth, life was very unpleasant with both of you alive. I had moved away long before Dad passed, and I really cried at his funeral.
At your funeral, I sat right in front of you, with your sister, and my sister-in-law on either side. Your sister cried. I believe she was the only one; maybe she didn’t really know how you were. I also think that losing a sister would make me cry as well, but I only have brothers.
You made home, a scary place to be. I never knew, when I got up each day, if it was going to be good or bad. Oddly enough, I carried that fear away from home, both as a child, and even as an adult. While you were still here, you had control over me, because I allowed it. The act of saying ‘no’ wasn’t even my vocabulary. You taught me well.
Oddly enough, that part of you that I feared, still controls my life. I can’t tell the neighbor lady, “No, I just want to go home.” or maybe “No, I want to go by myself.”
You are present in almost all my relationships, both professional and personal. Thank you Mom for that gift, and I hope you had a Happy Mother’s Day.
Your only daughter,

Mind Racing In My Head

I sit here by the open window,
Watching everyone who goes by,
Wishing it was that easy
Somewhere inside I know.
I can’t go out on the grass,
Or in the sand of the beach,
I just move around in my little place,
All that is there is beyond my reach.
Life for me is difficult,
I need help for my shoes
I wouldn’t let her see me like this,
At times I have the blues.
Blues lead me to the edge,
Of what is right or wrong,
At times now, i do not care,
I’ll work to make myself strong.

– van –

I Will Be With You In Heaven

ContinumI was so young,

Not much more than a child

If I’d known what I’d done,

I would have gone wild.


Such an innocent little one,

You did not have a chance,

To play, run or hide,

Or to learn how to dance.


Jessica Lynn where are you now?

I need to find you again someday,

If I could do it over again,

I would have found a way.


To give you that chance,

To laugh, run and play,

To do that dance,

The entire day.


But for now you can dance,

In the hands of the Lord,

He will smile down at you,

And He will never be bored.


Jessica Lynn,

I’ll be there someday,

So that we both,

Can dance the whole day.

– Mom –

A Life Filled With Strife

Some days high,
Some days low.
What will be,
I never know.

Being sick in my head,
Sometimes it’s hard to deal,
Sometimes I want to be dead,
Sometimes I don’t know what’s real.

Lock me up for a time,
So they all can look,
See if I know what’s mine,
Then write it in a book.

Sometimes so low,
I just can’t see,
How can I ever go,
And be the real me.

Sometimes I get so high,
I feel I’m up on top,
I never really know why,
It ever has to stop.

Up and down for all my life,
I’ve known no other way,
I make my way through the strife,
And live another day.

– van –