Halloween? Or Birthday?

Image result for jack o lanternEnded up just another day
I knew that it would be that way
A card from here, a card from there
Getting so I no longer care

Before that day came to pass
Get out the wine, fill my glass
Wait, there is no wine here
The past would rise again, I fear

Image result for halloween birthday cakeThere was no one to bake a cake
And my heart began to ache
For all those years, so much fun
Now, I have no way to run

Away from those days long past
I knew that it would not last
The years when that day would near
Monster faces would appear

The monsters look different now,
Changed some way, I don’t know how,
Faces leering, both day and night
I know that things are not all right

I write to see how I feel
It is really no big deal
Very few come to my door
I thought that I would care no more

I was wrong.

Photo credits: Google Images

Weekend Coffee Share

Image result for CoffeeIf we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’ve been feeling rushed, though I had no obligations during the week.  I’d tell you that time is just rushing toward the end of the month (8 days, not counting today), and for me another birthday.  I don’t know why they seem to be coming faster and faster, and the numbers just are rushing up that ladder, to meet my maker and account for myself in front of Him.  I’d also tell you not to worry, I do accept that fact, but I don’t plan on going up that ladder this soon. It does seem that I won’t be able to define myself as ‘middle-aged’ for much longer, but will be progressing into the ‘senior’ category.  But I worry not.  I’ll try to graciously let the man hold the door open, so that I can get my chair in without it getting schmooshed.  (Spellcheck is trying to tell me that is not the correct spelling, but it’s not offering me any other word).  I did get schmooshed one day, when I was headed in for a cup of coffee.  I wanted to report it to the manager, but he conveniently was absent, but would be given the message when he returned.  And guess what!  He never called me back, even though I called them over and over again.  Side note here, while I was writing the part about McDonald’s’ doors, a McDonald’s ad started on Pandora.  I didn’t pay it much attention, and they weren’t advertising their coffee.

Image result for CoffeeIf we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I only have a week left, before that birthday (hush, don’t say it aloud) arrives.  I’d tell you there is a funny little blurb surrounding that day, because I was born two months early – on Halloween day, smack dab in the middle of the day.  It was convenient for my dad, because that year Halloween fell on a Saturday, so he didn’t miss too much work due to  my birth.  I would tell you that I didn’t lag behind with growth, though I did have to spend my first week on earth, in an incubator.  I’d tell you how before 1960, they used pure oxygen in incubators, and a fair amount of babies grew up blind.  I am fortunate in that I wasn’t in there very long, so the damage to my eyes is minimal, but visible to the opthamologist when he dilates my eyes.  One year, the eye doctor asked how premature I had been when born.  He could see damage to blood vessels in the back of my eyes.  I have been wearing glasses since I was 7.  I would tell you that I tried contacts during the early 1990’s, but due to astigmatism, I had to wear rigid, gas permeable contacts, and even then I had a difficult time removing them because they would form a suction to my eyes.  After a year or so, I gave up.  Now I’m too old to worry about vanity.  In fact, I’m wearing no-line trifocals, with a pair of (purple) reading glasses nearby.  I’m wearing a dark, pink pair of glasses, but I’m due to go to the Opthamalogist (apparently I’m never going to be able to spell that without the help of a dictionary (Wait.  Does anyone actually use those big, old books anymore?  Do I even own one?)  We would laugh about that for a bit.

Image result for CoffeeIf we were having coffee,  I would tell you that the coming week is also be difficult due to the fact that my depression will be triggered by the end of the math, as it was at the beginning of the month on the 1st, because my mother passed away four years ago that day.  I’d tell you that becoming depressed over that doesn’t really make any sense, because my mother was one of my abusers, during childhood, and even so as an adult.  I’d tell you that there is a good side to all of this.  A few years after my father died in 2004, my mother met, and moved in with another man, though they never married.  I call him my step-dad, even though my mother is gone.  He is about the only person that calls me, to just hear me and know that I am ok.  Neither of my brothers call me, but the youngest one still is in touch, as is his wife, who texts me any old time (a couple of weeks ago, while I was leading Bible study, a minion started laughing and telling me that I had a text message and it was my sister-in-law.  I will try to keep busy and upbeat (?!) this week, and not thinking too much about my birthday throughout the week.  I would also tell you to have a good week.

Gone For Three Years

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Seventy-seven years ago.
You came into this world and so,
I’d like to say inside feels bad,
That feeling, for you I’ve never had.

You will always forever be,
That last year at seventy-three,
I live a life today without,
Worrying about a lot of doubt.

I did not actually cry that day,
When you finally went away,
Sat and listened to the words,
While people stood around in herds.

I now see that they came to see,
My brothers, aunt, and yes, for me,
Her companion she had but little time,
He has come to be family of mine.

Didn’t know they cared for you,
But what I feel will have to do,
I will never shed a tear,
Not this nor any other year.