The Queendom

Taboo Word  9/14/16

Once upon a time, there was an evil prince, and he found himself a princess.  Neither of them knew the other was sick, or just how sick they were.  They were together a year before they had a child.  The child was a girl, a princess, and now the woman was a queen.  She was a queen_mary_of_romania_3wicked queen.  They had another child.  The child was a boy, a prince, and now the man was a king.  He was wrong.  He thought he was still the king but the queen was a wicked, evil, queen and she ruled over the kingdom, and she ruled over the king as well.

So the queen and the king had another child.  The child was a boy, another prince, and the queen continued to rule of what was now the queendom.  The two princes both wanted to become the king some day, and they battled with each other, each attempting to be the better prince.  The queen continued ruling over the queendom, and the princess seemed to be pushed aside, forgotten.

So the king decided that his only resource was the princess.  He would take the princess around the queendom, showing her all the wonders that existed within the land.  There were trees and lakes, hills and valleys, and all that the princess saw overwhelmed her. 

But one cold night, the king crept into the bed of the princess, and he held her, touched her, told her how beautiful she was.  In the queendom, the princess was not well liked.  The two princes would fight with her all the times, and the other children in the land would pick fights with her as well.  This made the princess feel bad, and sometimes she would even cry.  She would cry at night when no one could hear her.  The king thought he was at least powerful to the princess, if not the queen, and that made him happy.

The king went to the princess many, many nights, and the princess became scared, especially at night.  The king started to hurt the child, because his sickness caused him to prey upon the little girls.  Having the princess right there in the palace made his visits very satisfying to him.  When he would leave her, the princess would become very angry any time the king came near her, and he did every time that every chance he got when the queen wasn’t around.

The queen was very evil and she treated the princess and the princes very badly.  She gave them very little to eat, and kept all the good things for herself.  She was angry with them and would treat them very roughly.

One by one, the souls of the princess and the princes became very dark.  They had learned from the queen and her lessons were very well absorbed by each of them.  None of them wanted to continue, and all wanted to flee the palace.  But there was nowhere to flee to.  One by one, as soon as they were old enough to make this a go on their own, they left the palace for good.

The king died from loneliness, and the queen ran off with another king.  The children of the king and queen, unfortunately became as evil as the queen, and took their anger out on every one in the kingdom, until one night, and group of princes crept upon them very quietly, and ended the misery they were causing, and the misery that lived within each of them.  Then once again there was a prince, and he waited, and waited to find a princess….

 

 

You can see today’s taboo word below. Visit Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog and creator of the challenge, for details on participating.

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Oh No, She Saw Me

Taboo Word  9/13/16

When I was seen, I wasn’t in a good place.  But I’m already getting ahead of myself.  I have two brothers, both younger than myself.  Every time we went to a store with my mother, my brothers and I were in competition with each other, to see who could bring home the best, and the most stuff – without paying for it.

There was a little variety store in a town near us, and my mother went there often, though I don’t know why.  I cannot remember a single thing that she would bring home from the store.  Now this store was your typical five and dime store.  After you came in the door, straight ahead of you was the cashier, and an aisle went down each side of the store.  There was a break between the two aisles, and after the break, on the left side, was where the toys were on display.

It was like heaven to us, when we were younger, and if my mother bought us anything, it was a rare occasion.  But we always came home with more than what my mother actually paid.  Where we hid things, I have no idea.  When we got home, we would gather in my room (Why was it always MY room?), and compare the things that we each brought home.  Back then, we didn’t think about the fact that we were stealing something.  We were just having some fun, and bringing home stuff was like a game to us.

In another town about 12 miles away was famous baseball museum, and playing field as well.  But I couldn’t tell you, to save my life now, the name of that baseball field.  But the National Hall of Fame Game is played there every year.  During the summer, we would go up and down the street, just trying to find a parking space.  This was difficult during the summer, because there were so many tourists, they just clogged up the entire street from end to end.

About midway down the street, there was a department store, and it even had stairs down to a lever level.  The lower level was where the 45 rpm records were available.  The paperback books were also down on that level.  At that time, I was an avid reader, and would devour two to three books a week.  It was hard to find books that I was interested in, so it took me some time, browsing through the books, trying to find a couple that I hadn’t already read, or even wanted to read.  It was also the same while hunting through the records.  There seemed to be so many popular songs during the 70’s, it was difficult to make your selections.  When my mother came to round us up, our ‘treasure hunting’ for that visit was over.

One afternoon, the fatal afternoon, the inevitable happened.  I had collected a variety of things, including books and records.  I went back upstairs to find my mother, as it was the end of summer and my mother was buying our new school clothes.  A friend of the family worked in that store.  On this memorable evening, I eventually noticed that she was trailing me around the store.  She was onto me!  What do I do?  I moved around, trying to find a place to hide and ditch everything I had on me.  If I didn’t have anything on me, I wouldn’t get into trouble.  Right?  Wrong, very wrong.  I managed to get a stack of cartons between me and this woman, and I pulled everything out from under my shirt, and there she was.  “No, no, no you can’t do that.  She collared me and dragged me off to the manager’s office.  They then paged my mother, and my heart sank lower than my heels, I think.

When my mother showed up, they told her I had been caught shoplifting, and I was not allowed in that store alone again.  You would have thought she was the one who had been caught.  She took my shoplifting personally.  My mother was a narcissist, and everything was about her, and how she was affected by such affronts.  She hustled us out the back door, after buying her purchases.  After that night, though, I was the one who felt embarrassed.  As soon as we entered the store, even while staying right at my mother’s side, the manager would follow us all around the store, every time we stopped to look at something, he stopped and waited,

I did learn my lesson, although I don’t know if my brothers did.  I never took a thing after that night, either something in a store, nor from anyone else.  After coming to know more of the Bible, I had an even stronger determination to taking anything, ever.  If I found something that someone had obviously forgotten, or dropped, if there was no one there to turn it over to, I left it right where I found it.  I would expect the same in return.  That way, I would find my lost item, and stop being in panic mode, looking everywhere.

The moral of the story?  I learned to never again shoplift or otherwise take something that did not belong to me.  I couldn’t embarrass my mother like that again.  I was always the one to pay the price, actually about three times the price, by being subjected to my mothers narcissism.  I was going to try to avoid that, at all costs.

In case you haven’t figured it by now, this post was written without using the taboo word of the day.

You can see today’s taboo word below. Visit Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog and creator of the challenge, for details on participating.

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Click the blue frog to read others taking part in this fun challenge 

 

 

Mind Failure – Again

My brain

Has failed me

Again

It angers me to no end

I can’t get past

The forgotten things

They churn in my stomach

Roil in my chest

You know the rest

I want it now

The end of the agony

Of my failing mind

But there is none

Nothing to help

Everything fails 

All my attempts

To keep this in reign

Fail me again and again

Where is the end?

Anger!! Who’s Really To Blame?

I would like to tell you I had an emotional week.  I wanted to get mad at everyone, due to my forgetting to schedule wheelchair transportation for an appointment Wednesday morning.  I assumed they were picking me up at 10:15, for an 11:00 appointment.

At 10:00, I started questioning whether I had scheduled the transportation, and finally called to see if they had me on the schedule that day.  They did not.  First, I wanted to blow up at them (Really??).  Then, I called my therapist to cancel the appointment, why, and asked that she called me back.  I wanted to keep calling her, until she answered the phone and I could vent my anger and frustration (Why??).

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Photo: Google Images

When she finally called me back, I explained what happened and she asked if I would like to reschedule (Ya think??).  We made another appointment, and then I wanted to vent at her again, because the appointment was not for another two weeks (??).

After hanging up the phone, I sat here and I realized that the person I was really angry at was myself.  I had screwed up, forgot to schedule transportation, and I missed my appointment.  Did I really expect her to rearrange her entire schedule, to get me in earlier?  No.

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Photo: Karen Van Benschoten

I have MS.  I have mild cognitive impairment and some memory loss.  I know this, and I know that if I don’t put extra reminders in place, I may very well forget something.

 I wanted to blame my aide, as every time she arrives, she usually takes out my planner, checks for any appointments that she hasn’t already written on the (very) large, dry erase calendar, that hangs on the wall above my wheelchair desk.  She asks if I have transportation.  I call and make arrangements.  Once I’ve done that, I put a check mark next to the appointment in my planner.  But not this week.  I don’t think I gave a single thought to that appointment, and usually I never forget that particular appointment.

But who should I be mad at about it?  No one.  Not even myself.  Everyone makes mistakes, and I can’t be mad  because I made a mistake.

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Photo: Google Images

So I played Sudoku and then watched more episodes of “The Fosters.”  Really like this show.  Whatever did I watch before Netflix??

 

Fire On The Inside

I needed to say this again. I have too many things going on, messing with my mind.

Through The Clouds

1024px-Fimmvorduhals_second_fissure_2010_04_02
A fissure on Fimmvörðuháls, by Henrik Thorburn

To look at me you wouldn’t know,
The things inside that grow and grow.
The outside that is calm and cool,
Every one of you, I try to fool.

But the fool is really me,
Hid inside, no one can see,
But sometimes things come boiling out,
The fire you’ll see, have no doubt.

But with the fire the tears do come,
It may seem childish to some,
But the hurt runs down my face as tears,
Easing some hurt from long passed years.

The tears wash away some pain,
A better outlook, I might obtain,
This outlook helps me to see,
When I’m not how I should be.

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Fire On The Inside

1024px-Fimmvorduhals_second_fissure_2010_04_02
A fissure on Fimmvörðuháls, by Henrik Thorburn

 

 

 

To look at me you wouldn’t know,
The things inside that grow and grow.
The outside that is calm and cool,
Every one of you, I try to fool.

But the fool is really me,
Hid inside, no one can see,
But sometimes things come boiling out,
The fire you’ll see, have no doubt.

But with the fire the tears do come,
It may seem childish to some,
But the hurt runs down my face as tears,
Easing some hurt from long passed years.

The tears wash away some pain,
A better outlook, I might obtain,
This outlook helps me to see,
When I’m not how I should be.

Anger, Again? Or Still?

I went to see her again this week,
To work out what bothers me,
When the time came to enter in,
She wasn’t there for me to see.

Anger rose up right away,
But I kept myself calm,
But anger don’t just go away,
But boils from dusk to dawn.

The anger that arose in me,
Was more than I could take,
I asked was there someone else to see,
For help for everyone’s sake.

I spoke with someone I didn’t know,
I didn’t know how to share,
How that anger boils below,
I need someone who cares.

But was that anger really new?
Or stuffed from years gone by?
I only wished that I knew,
Who and how and why.

– van –

Angry Again

It raises up its ugly head,
Here, or there, or then,
When it does I’m filled with dread,
I’m angry once again.

The anger, at times it comes so fast,
But it aims the wrong way,
And when it does, it will last,
Day after day after day.

But that anger is very old,
Not for what is now,
It can make me seem so bold,
But I really know not how.

Then I push it very hard,
To some darkened den,
Until someone says some words,
Then I’m angry again.

The anger is for something that,
Happened in my past,
And it rises big and fat,
And then it lasts and lasts.

But not for something just right now,
And not for something then,
But for something, I don’t know how,
And then I’m angry again.

– van –