We Must Go On

Once a week I travel several miles away, at a cost of $10 round-trip, to see a therapist who is working to help me to deal with PTSD, which comes from both childhood sexual abuse, and military sexual trauma. It is turning out to be a very long road.
I actually started this journey about 30 years ago, while my life was constantly under the influence of alcohol, which wreaked havoc with me. Education choices were pushed to the wayside, to make room for the alcohol. Career choices were doomed due to the alcohol and the emergence of mental illness.
Back then I was diagnosed with depression, and was in and out of psych units for many, many years, sometimes for two or three months at a time. I was medicated to the point of over-medicated, experienced ECT, and had four auto accidents in two months time.
Unable to hold down a job, more medication than I thought possible, I was put on disability. It was two years later that I had my last drink, found new housing, and tried to build a new life for myself. I tried working part-time jobs, but due to hospitalizations, was still unable to hold down a job.
It is now, more than ten years later, that I have some sense of normalcy, as long as I continue with therapy once a week. If I have to go longer than that, abandonment issues, and anxiety start to rear their ugly heads.
This blog is serving to open new doors for me, people to meet who understand where I am, whom I understand as well. Almost eight years ago, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Add Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizo-effective disorder, and the PTSD, and my medication list got longer. It is so long, I can’t possibly remember everything I take, and have to carry a list around with me, or attach to medical paperwork that asks for medications being taken.
Today, I’m living my life alone, with no family but two brothers and a host of cousins around, but I have a life that extends past my apartment door, but not through the doors of a psych unit.
Along the way, I also found God, which, in the last six years, has turned my life around. With an understanding of my physical and mental health issues, and God in my life, I’m starting to spread out. I’ve made new friends, have turned others who turned away from me, back in my direction.
I’ve learned to accept the way things are today, to thank God for these days, and to go on, living a life that I never dreamed was possible. I learned not to quit, and no matter what life throws at me, I MUST GO ON!

7 thoughts on “We Must Go On

  1. An inspirational message, it’s true we have to go on,though at times it’s difficult not to dwell in the past, whether we like it or not it shapes our future.

    It gives you a sense of freedom when you no longer live in denial and begin to deal with your problems which as you know can only be one day at a time, but you are doing so and have a life that continues to grow, so you can live in the now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We all need help at times. I’m so glad you are beginning to get your head around your past so you can live in today. It’s a battle I’m sure some days.
    Best of luck to you. I hope you stay well and can feel happy if not all the time, sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You have come so far. Congratulations. Your determination and commitment to your healing is paying off big time. I’m glad you have found some community through your spirituality and your blog, and I possibly through your therapy.


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